


Rosemary, Lilac, Thyme, and Yarrow

by paperviolins



Series: Nephalem and Archangels [2]
Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Aziraphale is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Aziraphale is a Dumbass (Good Omens), Crowley is Good With Kids (Good Omens), Crowley is a Dumbass (Good Omens), Fluff, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Non-Graphic Violence, Panic Attacks, Past Mpreg, Post-Armageddon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-10
Updated: 2019-12-16
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:00:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 17,953
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21741859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperviolins/pseuds/paperviolins
Summary: The language of flowers is a tricky one. Most people know that the colors of roses hold different meanings, but to most the sublties of this unique and complex language are lost. Only the most versed florist or gardener knows the flowers' true poetry.Sequel to Middle Ground!
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Series: Nephalem and Archangels [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1567078
Comments: 59
Kudos: 72





	1. Chapter 1

“Elinor! You are going to be late for school if you don’t get going! What are you even doing in there?” Aziraphale’s voice brought Crowley out of his sleep.

As the last remnants of his dream faded from memory, Crowley heard Elinor respond, “what time is it dad?”

“Nearly 8 o’clock, dear,” Aziraphale responded.

“Oh fuck!”

Crowley snorted and buried his face into his pillow to muffle his laughter.

Aziraphale gasped loudly, “where did you learn that word, young lady!?”

“Uhhhhhhh. Gotta go dad, love you!” Elinor deflected loudly.

Crowley heard the sound of little feet running down the stairs and Aziraphale calling after their daughter. A moment later the front door to the shop slammed. 

There was a moment of quiet and then Aziraphale spoke again, “Crowley, I know you are awake. Did you teach Elinor that word?”

Crowley chuckled again and slurred back, “what if I did, Angel?”

Aziraphale opened the bedroom door in response and regarded Crowley with the stern fatherly look he had developed solely for use with Elinor. Crowley tried an innocent expression in response, but he was trying not to laugh. Aziraphale quickly lost his composure and both started laughing hysterically.

Once they had calmed down a little, Aziraphale approached the bed and bent down to give Crowley a kiss.

“What am I to do with the two of you?” the Angel asked fondly as he sat down on the edge of the bed.

“Mmmnn, dunno. Maybe just let us be a little chaotic?”

“Oh dear, what if she says ‘fuck’ at school,” Aziraphale said, raising a hand to his mouth. “That would surely be quite the scandal. Elinor is already on thin ice with the parish’s head teacher.”

“If she gets in trouble, I will deal with it Aziraphale. I did teach her the word after all.”

“So you admit to the crime! Oh you devilish fiend,” Aziraphale teased.

Crowley groaned in mock annoyance and hit Aziraphale with his pillow. Aziraphale laughed and stole the pillow from Crowley.

“Elinor better make it to school on time. I’m tired of changing the school logs,” Crowley said, throwing an arm over his eyes.

“Oh don’t worry, I’m certain she will get there on time. It’s just eight and the school is only twenty minutes away.”

“Mmnnn, suppose so.”

At 7 years old, Elinor was nearing the end of her second year of school. She was attending the Soho Parish Primary school which happened to be a conveniently short walk from the bookshop.

“Well, what would you like to do with the day, my dear?” Aziraphale asked.

The angel had moved on the bed so that he could run a hand through Crowley’s hair. This had become their morning tradition. Aziraphale would see Elinor off to school and then usually wake Crowley with a gentle kiss or by playing with his hair. Then he would ask what Crowley wanted to do with the day. Crowley’s response was always the same.

“What ever you want to do, Angel.”

“Well, I was thinking we could go get breakfast at the café down the street. If you would like that?”

“Hmm, that sound lovely.”

***

Tony dropped the last box of his belongings on the floor of his new flat with a huff. He stood up straight and wiped his hands on his jeans as he surveyed his new flat. It was a small one bedroom flat in the Bexley Borough of London. Tony had been luck to find the cheap place quite near to his job at the Bexley Garden Centre. If he didn’t know any better, he would have said it was a miracle. It was just chance is all and nothing more.

Tony had moved to London but a few months prior. He had been renting a room from a kind family that was trying to help him get back on his feet. 

Before moving to London, Tony had spent six months in hospital. The first three of those months, he had been in an unexplained coma after being brought in from off the street. Some kind soul had found him unconscious and filthy in a back alley. The latter three he had spent trying to regain his strength and remember who he was.

All that Tony could remember of himself was a vague sense that he grew up very far away from England, despite his accent, that he was weirdly fond of plants, and his name. His name had been a jumbled mess in his head, but paperwork had come out of the woodworks while he was in hospital. It had affirmed that he was a Mr. Raphael Anthony Carlisle, aged 39, and had been born in in a tiny country birthing center in the south of England. He realized later that his name had been jumbled in his head because he greatly disliked his first name, hence his going by Tony.

Beyond that scant amount of information, his past was a mystery. His parents had apparently moved around, mostly off the grid, and died when Tony was in his early twenties. He had no formal medical records except for his birth record, nor did he have schooling records. It was an honest miracle that he had been able to find a job.

Tony had spent some time trying to dig for any more information about his past once he got out of hospital but was only met with frustration and disappointment. He desperately wanted to have words with his past self about the distressing lack of records. Tony was able to find that he had a modest bank account with enough money to get him through a few months. The bank had been luckily sympathetic to his case and helped him gain access to his money.

Tony dragged a hand through his long hair and eyed the thin mattress he had for a bed. His host family had graciously gotten him some essential living supplies, but Tony had only allowed them to get him some clothes and toiletries. The rest of his things, the mattress, some bedding, a small lamp, and some cook wear, he had purchased with the last of his savings. He was now officially broke.

It was late in the day, the sun having set an hour ago, and Tony had to get up early for work in the morning. He considered just laying down and passing out, but he needed to eat and shower. He stood and stared at his bed for a while, contemplating. Eventually he decided a firm ‘fuck it’ and collapsed on the lumpy mattress. Morning him was going to hate current him, but Tony couldn’t be bothered to care. Sleep claimed him in a matter of seconds.


	2. Chapter 2

Crowley sat on the sofa, nursing a headache. He had had a particularly vivid dream about the Black Death, and it wasn’t sitting well with him. He was glad that Aziraphale was down in the book shop working and Elinor was at school.

He had spent a good portion of the early years of the Plague trying to help those inflicted, despite his demonic nature. Chalk it up to the clinging bits of his angelhood. When Pestilence had raised their stinking head and threatened Crowley, he had stood down and slept through the rest of the century to avoid the pain of watching countless innocent lives being stripped away.

The dream had been his mind’s wicked attempt to differentiate between Hell and the Plague-ridden London. Crowley had been pushing his way through festering crowds to help those with the sickness. At every turn though, Pestilence rose up clutching the limp body. The body in Pestilence’s arms changed from encounter to encounter. Sometimes it was an unknown person, sometimes it was Elinor, sometimes it was Aziraphale, and sometimes it was a faceless angel.

Crowley had woken up disoriented and sweaty. He had clawed at his skin in his half-awake stupor until he realized where and when he was. After that he had taken a cold shower to clear his mind. It hadn’t helped much.

Steps coming up the stairs pulled Crowley from his thoughts. Elinor burst through the door to the flat and beamed at him.

“Hi daddy!” she chirped as she darted down the hall to her room.

“Hi Elinor, how was school?” Crowley called after her.

Elinor appeared again after a moment, devest of her heavy jacket and backpack.

“It was fun! But we had bible class today and that was boring,” she said as she clambered up onto the sofa next to Crowley.

“Mmhmm, and why was bible class boring?” Crowley asked, idly tidying Elinor’s hair.

“Cuz I already know everything! Ms. Bradley kept talking about all the stuff that happened in the beginning parts of the bible and Jesus and how it was all connected together, but she kept getting things wrong and I got sent out of class for interrupting too much.”

Crowley snorted, “Is that so?”

“Mhm! Hey daddy, can I ask you a question?”

“Sure thing, peanut. Whatcha got for me?”

“Were you and angle once like dad?”

“Ngk,” Crowley said, thrown off by the question. “W-Well, yes, I was. A vey very long time ago.”

“Oh. What happened to make you not an angel anymore?” Elinor asked with her head cocked to the side.

“Hum, well, I asked too many questions and God didn’t like it.”

“Oh. Do you remember what it was like to be an angel?”

Elinor’s string of questions was starting to make Crowley’s headache worse. He scratched the back of his head and leaned back on the sofa.

“I don’t really remember much, to be honest, Elie. I just remember creating the stars and why I Fell.”

Elinor hummed and kicked her legs where they hung off the sofa. A creak of old hinges signaled Aziraphale’s arrival upstairs.

“Hello, my loves. What are you up to?”

“I was asking daddy about when he was an angel like you dad!” Elinor hopped up from the sofa and ran over to Aziraphale to give him a hug. “He says he doesn’t remember much. Did you know daddy in heaven?”

Aziraphale blinked in surprise and glanced up at Crowley who just shrugged.

“I don’t think I did, my sweet. But it was a long time ago and Heaven made me forget many of my friends when they Fell and became demons,” Aziraphale responded. He picked up Elinor. “Let’s get you started on your homework, shall we?”

“Okay!” 

Aziraphale had become a master of deflection over the years. It astounded Crowley the ease with which Aziraphale was able to redirect people into doing or thinking entirely different things. He watched as Aziraphale carried their daughter into her room and to her homework. 

His head was still throbbing, so Crowley decided on trying for a nap while Aziraphale and Elinor were busy. That was if he managed to fall asleep.

***

“Tony? Can you take over counter for a minute? I need to make a call,” Tony’s coworker called through the shop.

Tony set down the plant mister he had been spraying the orchids with and called back, “Yeah, I’ll be right there.”

He made his way to the front counter of the shop and exchanged a smile with his coworker as they made their way to the backroom. No one was in the shop today, but that wasn’t uncommon. Tony busied himself with tidying the seasonal seed packet display on the counter. 

The shop bell chimed, and Tony looked up. An elderly woman had come in. He gave her a warm smile, which she didn’t return. She shuffled immediately into the pest control section of the store. Tony followed her with his eyes. A good portion of the customers the shop saw were looking for slug repellent or wasp traps.

Something landed on the top of Tony’s head. Absent mindedly he brushed away what he thought must have been a wayward drop of water and was surprised when a snowy-white feather fluttered onto the counter. He frowned and picked it up. Tony twirled the feather between his fingers. It looked like a dove feather almost. A glance to the ceiling did not reveal the culprit.

“Whatcha got there?” Tony’s coworker asked.

He moved back from the counter and held up the feather. 

“A dove feather, I think. You taking back over counter?”

His coworker nodded and they traded positions.

“I didn’t realize we had a resident dove.”

“Me either,” Tony mumbled as he tucked the feather behind his ear.

He sauntered back over to the orchids and picked up the plant mister. The plants were looking as pristine as always, almost as if they were putting on a special show just for Tony. He spritzed the orchids a few more times before moving on to the next plants. Plants were the only thing that Tony found comfort in. They were the only thing that were familiar to him in this confusing world.

“Excuse me, young man,” a thin voice spoke from behind Tony.

He turned and faced the woman who had entered the shop earlier. It always amused Tony when he was called “young man”. For a man nearly in his forties, it was high praise. Though he did have dashingly good looks.

“What can I help you with, ma’am?” he asked, setting down the plant mister.

The woman stared critically at him for a moment. Something about the woman’s gaze made Tony’s skin crawl.

“You shouldn’t have that feather,” she said finally.

“Ngk, wot?” Tony said in confusion.

“It’s not your color. It’s wrong, you shouldn’t have it,” she stated as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Her eyes were an unnerving shade of grey that held neither warmth nor coldness. They were just flat grey.

“I-I’m sorry? Uhm, you can have it if you want.” He took the feather from behind his ear and offered it to the woman.

She looked at it and then back up at Tony. “No, it’s not mine. I see what was wrong. You can keep it.”

The strange woman turned and walked out of the store. Tony watched her go. He felt shaken to the core for some odd reason. Something about the way that woman spoke with such finality as if her words were nothing but the absolute truth filled Tony with a sickening sense of déjà vu. He got a sense that there was a memory of his past tied to her words somehow. He wasn’t certain if it was a good or bad memory though.

After a minute, Tony collected himself and went back to misting the plants. He felt off for the rest of the day and curled up in his bed the second he got home, clutching the feather to his chest as he fell asleep.


	3. Chapter 3

It was a blustery Tuesday afternoon and Crowley was about to have words with who ever decided it was a good idea to take a bunch of year twos to an art museum. For that matter, he was about to have words with himself for deciding to chaperone said field trip. At the moment, Crowley was leaning against a door frame, watching his group of children play in the museum courtyard. He was just glad that there were no art instillations in the courtyard.

A tug on his sleeve drew Crowley’s attention. He looked down to find Elinor staring up at him.

“Hey Elie, what’s up?” he asked, ruffling her hair.

“Daddy, who’s that angel in that painting over there?” Elinor asked.

She was pointing to a large painting that was just visible through the hall into the museum. Crowley regarded the portrait for a while until a shiver of recognition ran down his spine. 

“The Archangel Raphael,” he whispered, the name burning his throat.

“He’s the one who did a bunch of healing, right?”

“Yes, peanut, he did,” Crowley mumbled distractedly. He was tran sfixed by the painting. It had been a very long time since he had remembered his angelic name and even longer since he had dared to speak it out loud.

Elinor tugged on Crowley’s sleeve again which brought him out of his thoughts. He realized she had probably said something to him.

“Huh?” he said.

“I said, did you know him?” Elinor asked.

“Ngk,” Crowley said, “w-well, you see Elinor-”

A cry gained Crowley’s attention. One of the kids in his group was sitting on the ground crying with a few other kids trying to shush them. Crowley sighed and stalked over. By the time he had gotten to the bottom of the situation (the kid had tripped while running) and calmed the kid down, it was time to leave the museum. The topic of conversation had been forgotten by both Crowley and Elinor.

***

_The Archangel Raphael was lounging in his favorite hidden spot in Heaven. On the rare occasions he came home anymore, and when he wasn’t busy with the other Archangels, he liked to hide here. It was away from the crowds and noise of the bustling metropolis Heaven was quickly becoming. That and it got dark enough in this spot for him to see the stars._

_“Ah, I thought I would find you here,” a melodic voice said._

_Raphael looked up and smiled. He recognized the angel who stood before him, all soft shapes and messy white wings, but for some reason could not remember his name or clearly see his face._

_“Daydreaming again, are we?” the angel asked, coming to sit by Raphael._

_“I am caught,” Raphael said with a chuckle, “what brings you to my little haven in Heaven, hot stuff?”_

_The other angel flushed crimson and looked around nervously. Raphael laughed._

_“Oh come now, no one is going to hear us. I’m the only one who even comes close to this place. Ngk, except you of course.”_

_The angel nodded and leaned against Raphael._

_“I know,” he said, “you know me though, always a worry wort. Besides, one can never be too careful these days, what with so many angels being cast out.”_

_Raphael hummed in affirmation. It was true that the times had changed. Lucifer and his lot had caused such a ruckus that even good angels were being cast out for the most minor of offences. Raphael was honestly surprised he had lasted this long without falling as it was. He had been rather close to Lucifer and so it was a little shocking he hadn’t gone down with good old Luci and his gang. Raphael honestly couldn’t complain._

_“Enough of that talk,” Raphael said, turning to his partner with a smile._

_The angel returned his smile and they came together in a delicate kiss. They lost themselves in the dance of lips and tongues that they had learned together._

_They were interrupted by a breathless and urgent voice, “Raphael!”_

_The two broke apart quickly as if they had been burned. Raphael turned toward the voice and saw another angel, the Archangel Cassiel, descending before them. Cassiel looked frightened and a little panicked. Raphael stood and approached his brother._

_“What is it Cassiel, what is wrong?”_

_“Your orders came,” Cassiel said quickly._

_“Orders?”_

_“She’s casting you out. Gabriel and Michael will be here any moment, you have to run.”_

_Raphael blinked in shock._

_“Huhn??”_

_Cassiel gripped Raphael’s shoulders tightly and looked him in the eye with such sadness._

_“You have to run, brother. They are going to make you Fall.”_

_“I-I. C-Cassiel, I can’t just, ngk, I can’t just run!”_

_Cassiel looked on the verge of tears. He stared into Raphael’s eyes searchingly. A look of sorrowful resignation came over him._

_“You won’t run will you?”_

_“Ngk,” Raphael said. His head was reeling form Cassiel’s message, but he knew deep down that he wouldn’t get anywhere trying to run._

_A hand gripped Raphael’s bicep. He turned to his Angel. His Angel pulled Raphael down into a fierce kiss._

_“You can’t escape them, my dear. I know you know this.”_

_Raphael swallowed and nodded. He could hear a distant horn. Gabriel was coming. Raphael looked between the two angels with him._

_“You two need to go, now. Both of you will Fall if they catch you here with me. Cassiel for telling me, and you Angel for- ngk- y-y’know.”_

_His beautiful Angel nodded sadly and kissed him one more time. They took Cassiel’s hand and, with a final backward glance, flew off with the young Archangel._

_Raphael watched them go as the horn grew louder. A tear slipped down his cheek and his fate came to meet him._


	4. Chapter 4

The stack of plastic pots Tony had so carefully been stacking fell on top of him when he jerked in startlement at the sound of the shop bell. Of course he had forgotten to lock the door. He shouted a curse in surprise and fell on his ass. There was the sound of a quiet “oh dear” and quick footsteps.

“Are you quite alright?” a voice asked.

Tony turned his head to look at the man standing before him. He quickly scrambled to his feet and raked a hand through his hair to get it out of his face. Normally he kept it tied back, but this day had been hectic, and Tony’s hair had found its way out of his hair tie sometime around lunch. The stranger before him looked like he had seen a ghost, though Tony supposed that was just what came of inadvertently causing an avalanche of cheap plastic plant pots to come tumbling down on a person.

“Yes, I’m fine. The pots are plastic,” Tony said breathily, “you shouldn’t be in here though. The shop closed-” a quick glance at his watch- “twenty-six minutes ago.”

The stranger blinked and opened and closed his mouth a few times. Tony raised and eyebrow at the strange man. The fellow before him did not look like the type to be visiting a garden center. He was all soft edges and worn but pristine suit. Tony guessed the man was a bit older than himself but not by much. The shock of white hair on the stranger’s head spoke of either shitty genetics or age.

“You alright, mate?” Tony asked, a bit testily.

The man swallowed and nodded, “y-yes, I’m fine. You just remind me of someone. I’m sorry for startling you and for coming after closing. I’ll just be going now.”

The man turned to leave and tripped over a rake that was leaning against a shelf. Tony rushed forward and helped the man up. The man thanked Tony and brushed down his trousers.

“You sure you’re alright?” Tony asked, self-consciously wiping his hands on his shop apron.

“Yes, yes, I am quite alright. I really am sorry about the trouble I’ve caused you,” he eyed the plant pots. “I will just get out of your hair then.”

“It’s fine, really. My fault for forgetting to lock the door.”

The stranger gave Tony a tight-lipped smile. The once over he gave Tony with his eyes did not escape notice. Tony straightened to his full height and squared his shoulders out of instinct.

The stranger turned and shuffled out the shop door with another apology and a quick ‘goodbye’. Tony stayed standing where he was for a moment, staring at the door. He felt a shred of recognition clawing at the back of his mind. Maybe he had known that guy before, well, before whatever made him forget everything. Tony shook his head and moved forward to securely lock the shop door. Best not dwell on that, he’d only upset himself.

Tony turned and regarded the mess of plant pots. He sighed in defeat. And he thought he was going to get home early tonight.

***

Tony was rearranging a tray of succulents when someone placed a firm hand on his shoulder. He looked down at the well-manicured hand in mild offence and then up at the owner. The fair-haired stranger from the other night smiled shyly at Tony. The man looked a little haunted still but not as bad as the other night.

“Oh, hello. Fancy seeing you again,” Tony said, “can I help you with something?”

“Hello, uhm, well, I just wanted to stop by and apologize properly for the other night. I’ve felt just terrible about it every moment since,” the man had removed his hand from Tony’s shoulder and was fiddling with a wedding ring on his finger.

“Mmn, it’s really no problem. Like I said, it was my fault for forgetting to lock the door.”

“Still,” the stranger said a little weakly.

Tony sighed, “look, I accept your apology. It’s really fine,” he took a shot and extended his hand to the man. “I’m Tony, by the way.”

The many shook his hand with a firm grip. “My name is Aziraphale.”

The name seemed painfully familiar to Tony in a way that made him a little short of breath. 

“Well, Aziraphale, now that we’ve sorted out your guilt, can I help you with anything else? You must have been looking for something the other day,” Tony said.

Aziraphale’s cheeks colored slightly and he stumbled over his next words, “o-oh, y-yes. Well, y-you see, I was l-looking for a pot of orchids for my daughter. W-we recently lost her-her father and they- the orchids- mean-”

“-I’ll always love you,” Tony finished for the man. Tony had no idea how he knew that bit of information. “I’m sorry for your loss.”

Aziraphale swallowed and nodded. He looked down at his shoes, away from Tony. Tony’s heart broke for the man.

“We have some nice orchids. What is your daughter’s favorite color?” Tony asked softly.

“Yellow,” Aziraphale said.

Tony smiled and nodded, “I think we have some yellow orchids around here that would do nicely.”

Tony showed Aziraphale to the orchids and helped the man pick out a healthy plant. He told the man how to care for it as he led him to the register. Another worker was at the register, so Tony stood with Aziraphale in line.

“Thank you for your help, Tony. If there’s any way to make it up to you for the other night…”

Tony waved his hand in dismissal, “I said it’s fine. I hope your daughter likes the flowers, and, once again, I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thank you,” Aziraphale said quietly, his voice wavering.

A moment of silence fell over the two and Tony nearly broke and asked the man if they knew each other. He didn’t get the chance to however, as Aziraphale was called up to the register. Tony sighed and went back to organizing the succulents. 

Aziraphale’s name bounced around Tony’s head for the rest of the day like a persistent gnat. He was sure he knew the name from somewhere. Somewhere in his past. For that matter, he was dead certain he knew the man. But if he did, why hadn’t Aziraphale said anything? Tony felt confused and more than a little upset when he stumbled into his flat that night.

He went immediately into the kitchen and looked through his cupboards for some alcohol. All he managed to find was a bottle of wine that he had bought on impulse a few weeks ago. It would have to do. 

Tony settled onto the small threadbare sofa he had bought and drank straight from the bottle. He didn’t hold back and practically chugged the whole bottle, some of the wine dripping down his chin in his haste to get as drunk as the shitty wine would allow. He set the bottle on the floor and stared at the wall opposite him as he waited for the alcohol to kick in. Luckily, he had tomorrow off, so if he ended up with a hangover, which was honestly very unlikely, he would be fine.

The wine made its effect on him quickly enough, and soon Tony was respectably drunk and totally not crying because he couldn’t figure out who that Aziraphale guy was.

By the next morning, Tony had forgotten all about Aziraphale.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is going to be the last one for a little bit with Crowley. The next few are going to be more Tony centric! Sorry this one is so short. Thanks to all who have been reading and leaving kudos and comments! It means a lot and really helps give me motivation to keep writing.

“Crowley, dear, did you know that Elinor is doing a project on the Archangels for school?”

Crowley raised an eyebrow and looked at Aziraphale. “I did not do that. I suppose you’re helping her?”

Aziraphale nodded with a smile. “Yes! I’ve been looking through the shop for all of my books on Archangel lore and I was planning on making some notes for her that she can understand.”

Crowley snorted. Of course Aziraphale was going all out.

“What kind of project is she doing, Angel?”

“She is going to make a diorama, but one can never be too careful with details.”

Crowley chuckled and looked back at his phone. Aziraphale started mumbling to himself and eventually went downstairs. When Aziraphale left, Crowley put down his phone and rubbed his eyes.

His dreams had been getting more frequent and vivid. Frequently he would wake up with a start in the middle of the night _knowing_ he had dreamed about Heaven again, about Raphael again. What was most disturbing to Crowley was that he had started to remember the dreams more when he woke up. Which was making his constant lingering guilt about whoever the fuck that angel he seemed so close to in his dreams was. He just needed to move on. That was all there was to it. He should have moved on 6000 years ago but that was neither here nor there.

***

Aziraphale dropped a book in Crowley’s lap. Crowley looked down at the dusty tome and then back up Aziraphale.

“What’s this?” Crowley asked.

“Open it. Read the title.”

Crowley frowned and opened the old book to the title page. The page read “The Healing Miracles of the Archangel Raphael.” Crowley’s stomach twisted at the sight of his name.

“Ngk, why are you showing me this?”

“Before today,” Aziraphale said carefully, “I thought there were only four Archangels; three living and one dead. I know Gabriel, Michael, and Uriel and I know that the Archangel Cassiel died some time ago. But now I know there was a fifth,” Aziraphale looked really nervous and Crowley didn’t like where this was going. “I found this book, read the title, and it was like a door had been unlocked in my mind. There were five Archangels, Crowley, five! But one Fell and I couldn’t remember because I had known him! I remember now though. I remember everything,” Aziraphale’s voice grew quiet and he seemed almost to be talking to himself. Crowley’s heart was hammering in his chest, he _really_ didn’t like where this was going. “What I’m trying to say dear, is that I was very close to the Archangel Raphael. Very _very_ close. W-we were, well, he was my partner. But I don’t want you to-”

Aziraphale kept talking, but Crowley couldn’t hear him anymore over the static in his head. It felt like his mind was crumbling. He staggered to his feet suddenly as his vision tunneled.

Crowley was frozen, stock still. He could not see or hear anything as he stood on the precipice of oblivion. That name. That _name_ spoken on Aziraphale’s tongue felt so very familiar and right.

But how was that possible? Was the strange pale angel from his half-remembered dreams _his_ Angel?

Aziraphale had said with such certainty that he had been Raphael’s partner, his mate, and Crowley was Raphael.

Something in Crowley’s mind broke and a flood of memories accosted him. He screamed and fell to his knees, clutching at his head as it felt like it was about to explode. Vaguely he was aware that Aziraphale was calling out to him, but he couldn’t focus over the noise and the pain in his head.

A primal instinct took over Crowley and he let his powers flow out without thinking. Then everything went dark.


	6. Chapter 6

Tony woke up on the floor. This would not be so bad, given he practically slept on the floor anyway, but he had a splitting headache. With a groan, Tony hoisted himself off the floor and onto unsteady legs. A clattering noise as Tony began to shuffle toward the loo drew his attention to the empty wine bottle on the ground. 

(Ah. That was why he felt like shit.)

Tony huffed and went into the loo. Once he was done in there, he shuffled into his kitchen and downed two large glasses of water. He had to take a minute to just stand and breathe slowly so the water didn’t come back up.

 _God_ he was glad he didn’t have work today.

Once Tony felt a little more human, and like he was less likely to vomit, he opened his fridge and looked inside. There were the makings of a very simple omelet, so Tony set to making that. He ended up burning it pretty bad, but he ate the dish none the less.

Tony got on with his day once the hangover had lessened a bit. He tidied his flat a bit and, in the process, found the dove feather that had landed on him in the garden centre weeks before. He twirled the white feather in his fingers and looked at it closely. The interaction with that weird woman came to mind and Tony shuddered. He placed the feather on his windowsill and moved on.

***

The weeks lumbered on and Tony let the monotony of routine absorb him. He went to work, usually opening or closing the garden centre, and tended the plants or did odd jobs like reorganizing. He was rarely on the register. Then he went home and slept. On his days off, he tidied his flat and ran errands. At some point, he bought a smartphone. It was partially because he needed a number for work and partially because he was bored out of his mind when he had nothing to do. His free time was spent surfing the web idly from that point on.

For being a middle-aged man with no friends and no memory of his life from before a year ago, Tony was doing pretty damn good is he did say so himself.

He started bringing sick plants home to his flat from the garden centre, with permission from his manager, and trying to nurse them back to health. Soon, Tony’s flat was full of plants in all different stages of health. Most of the plants he returned to the shop when they were healthy again, but a few he kept. 

Soon Tony gained the reputation of the resident Bexley Garden Centre plant healer. Which Tony was completely fine with.

***

The shop bell jingled angrily, and Tony sighed in frustration. He had been about to go and lock that door. He came out of the back room, ready to face a late customer that was in just before closing. 

The second he rounded the corner, a panicked and relieved voice spoke up, “oh thank goodness it’s you here Tony.”

Aziraphale looked a mess. He was just in a thin button up, with the sleeves rolled up, and vest, despite the cold weather. His eyes looked red rimmed and he had dirt smudged on his face. Aziraphale was clutching a plant pot with a particularly sad looking orchid in it.

Tony frowned and approached Aziraphale. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I- t-the orchid. I’ve done everything you told me to do, but it just started dying! I’ve tried everything to get it to stop, but nothing has worked!” Aziraphale’s voice wavered dangerously and Tony had a feeling the emotions this man was having weren’t solely about the plant.

Tony reached out and gently took the orchid from Aziraphale.

“Let’s see what we can do then,” he said softly, giving Aziraphale a small smile.

Aziraphale looked on the verge of tears, but he nodded bravely and followed Tony to the front counter. 

Tony set down the orchid and began inspecting it. Besides its sorry looking state, everything seemed fine with the plant. The growing medium was correct both in kind and moisture and the pot wasn’t too big or too small. Tony bit his lip and thought very hard, trying to get as much information about orchid out of his jumbled brain. Sometimes it was very difficult for him to remember things (a side effect of the amnesia the doctors had told him).

“Let me try something here,” Tony mumbled, “I’ll be right back.”

He went into the backroom of the shop and started digging through the supplies stored there. He found what he needed and returned to the front of the shop. Aziraphale was staring at the sad orchid and fiddling with his ring.

Tony placed a new pot on the counter and a back of orchid potting mix, as well as some fertilizer. He smiled at Aziraphale and then began gently repotting the orchid. Once it was settled in the new pot, he watered it.

“Would you mind if I held onto it for a bit? I’m pretty good at nursing plants back to health and I’d like to keep an eye on this one,” Tony asked.

Aziraphale looked hesitant but then nodded.

“Great. What’s your number so I can ring you when its back to full health?”

“It’s, uhm, I-I’ll write it down,” Aziraphale said. He patted his pockets for a second before looking despondent. Tony understood and pulled out a scrap of paper from under the counter and a pen. He pushed the over the counter and Aziraphale scribbled his phone number down.

“Thanks,” Tony said, “I’ll keep in touch about the orchid, and I’ll do my best to get it back to full glory for you.”

Aziraphale nodded. He still looked so very sad and something inside Tony wanted to crush him in a hug.

“Right, well, thank you Tony. I had better get back home. Shouldn’t have really left my daughter home alone as it is, but she should be asleep so I should hurry back,” Aziraphale fidgeted but didn’t make a move to leave. He was still staring at the orchid.

“I’ll take good care of it, Aziraphale,” Tony said, “get home to your daughter.”

Aziraphale nodded and turned to leave. He made it to the shop door and glanced back.

“Thank you,” the fair-haired man said before he left.

Tony stared at the closed door for a while, trying to resist the urge to cry on this man’s behalf. The poor guy, his life sounded hellish, what with losing his partner and having to raise a kid alone and now a plant that he obviously put a lot of care into was in such a bad state. Tony looked down at the offending plant.

“You had better perk up, you hear me,” he all but growled at the plant. “That man needs you.”

Tony cleaned up the counter and locked up the shop before starting his walk home, the orchid tucked safely in his arms.

***

Tony poured his heart and soul into reviving that damned orchid. For a solid week, it utterly refused to make any positive progress, but it didn’t get any worse either, so he counted that as a win. Tony tried everything he could think of in the book and then turned to the internet. By the second week, the orchid had stopped being quite so limp, and by the third it was doing considerably better. He kept a close eye on it for a few more days, just to ensure that it was healthy again.

It was his day off when Tony finally decided the orchid was in good enough health to return it to its owner. He dug out the scrap of paper that held Aziraphale’s phone number and dialed it.

He felt weirdly nervous and giddy for the fact that he was calling a near stranger about a fucking plant. He paced his living room as the phone rung one, twice, three times.

“Come on, pick up,” he muttered while his stomach twisted into knots.

The line clicked and Tony’s heart skipped a beat.

“Hello?” a young voice spoke into the phone.

Tony blinked in surprise and pulled his mobile away form his ear to look at the number. It was indeed correct.

“Hello?” the voice said again.

“Ngk, uhm, hi. I-I’m looking for Aziraphale?” Tony stuttered lamely.

“Oh,” the voice said. An uncomfortably long silence followed. “You mean dad, don’t you?”

“Uhm, y-yeah, I think so,” Tony realized that he was speaking with Aziraphale’s daughter.

“Oh,” the girl said again. “He’s not here.”

“He left you alone again!?” Tony said in mild panic. “How old are you?”

“Eight, I just had my birthday. I didn’t like it much. It was sad without daddy here.”

Tony swallowed at the lump that had formed in his throat. Damn kids and saying too much.

“I’m sorry to hear that. Your dad is being very irresponsible by leaving you alone though.”

“He’s just down in the shop,” the girl said.

Tony felt relief at that statement. He could hear a muffled noise in the background on the girl’s end.

“Some man asking for you, dad,” the girl said, muffled.

Tony’s heart skipped a beat as there was a shuffling noise.

“Hello?” Aziraphale’s clear voice spoke through the phone.

“H-Hi,” Tony stuttered lamely, “it’s uh, it’s Tony. From the Bexley garden Centre.”

“Oh! Hello Tony. I was wondering when you’d call,” Aziraphale said brightly.

“Yes, well, I just wanted to ring you to tell you that your orchid is doing much better and I think it’s ready to go back home with you.”

Aziraphale let out a tiny gasp that did something weird to Tony’s stomach. “Oh fantastic! Thank you so much, Tony. When can I come by and pick it up? Are you at work today?”

“Ngk, uhm, no. It’s my day off. I- uh, I was thinking I could come drop it off at your place, i-if that’s alright?” Tony didn’t know what the hell he was saying anymore and mentally kicked himself. He barely knew this man, why the _fuck_ was he acting like a damn crushing teenager?

“Oh, there is no need for you to go so far out of your way like that, my dear! I live clear in Soho. I have a- a car,” Tony noticed the little stutter in Aziraphale’s voice and wondered if the car was actually Aziraphale’s. “I can come by your place and pick it up. You’ve already gone to so much trouble on my behalf, it’s the least I could do.”

Tony swallowed and looked around his flat. “Uhm, s-sure. I guess that’s fine.”

“Fantastic, what is your address then?”

Tony gave Aziraphale his address and they said goodbye. Tony stuffed his mobile into his pocket as the reality of the situation settled on him. He looked around his cluttered flat in mild panic and set to cleaning it as fast as he could. It only took him about twenty minutes to have the flat immaculate and his plants in tidy looking spots. He then sat on his sofa and tried to calm down while he waited for Aziraphale to arrive.

Another forty minutes later, a knock on the door startled Tony. He scrambled to his feet and over to the door. He swung it open and came face to face with Aziraphale. They stared at each other in silence for a moment.

“Daddy?” a little voice said from behind Aziraphale.

Aziraphale turned red as Tony looked down at the girl.

“No, Elinor. This is Tony. He has been taking care of your orchid,” Aziraphale said gently, ruffling the girl’s strawberry blonde hair. She clutched at Aziraphale’s coat and stared up at Tony.

Tony squatted down to her eye level. “Hi Elinor, I believe we talked on the phone. Like your dad said, I’m Tony. Would you like to come in and see your orchid?”

Elinor glanced up at Aziraphale and then nodded. Tony stood up and aside so that the father and daughter could enter his flat.

The orchid was sitting on Tony’s coffee table. Elinor trotted over to it and examined it.

“There aren’t any flowers,” she said glumly.

“The orchid needs some more time before it can grow more flowers,” Tony said, coming over by Elinor. “It only just got better. But I promise you it will bloom again. It just needs some time to finish healing.”

Elinor looked up at him with wide blue eyes.

“You look a lot like my daddy,” the little girl said. Tony swallowed and glanced at Aziraphale. “Your face is a little different though. And your eyes are wrong. My daddy has-”

“That’s enough, Elinor,” Aziraphale interrupted.

Elinor looked guiltily at her father. Tony wiped his palms on his jeans nervously.

“Can, uh, can I get you something to drink. Tea, maybe,” Tony asked Aziraphale.

Aziraphale wouldn’t meet Tony’s eye. “No, thank you Tony. I think it would be best for Elinor and I to get back home.”

Tony nodded and rocked forward on the balls of his feet. “Right, of course.”

“Would you like to carry the orchid, Elinor?” Aziraphale asked his daughter.

Elinor nodded and gently picked up the plant. She and Aziraphale started for the door. At the door, Elinor stopped and clumsily handed Aziraphale the orchid. She turned back and ran to Tony and hugged him tightly. Tony let out a gasp of surprise and his hands instinctively came up to embrace the girl. He didn’t touch her though, his hands just hovering over her back. Elinor stayed like that for a moment, her face buried into Tony’s lower chest.

“Thank you for healing my orchid,” Elinor said, before letting go of Tony and running out the door past Aziraphale.

Tony opened and closed his mouth several times in shock. Aziraphale was staring at him with a mortified expression on his face.

“I am so sorry, Tony. She isn’t usually like that,” Aziraphale said.

“Ngk, uh, i-it’s fine, really,” Tony stuttered in response.

“Uhm, well, I’ll just be going then. Thank you for nursing the orchid back to health. You’ll have let me make it p to you some time,” Aziraphale responded, his hand on the doorknob.

Tony shrugged, still a little frazzled by his interactions with Elinor. “It’s fine, you don’t need to do anything. I-I mean, I was happy to help, it was the least I could do. Y-you’ve lost so much-” Tony cut himself off, mortified at his treacherous mouth. “I’m sorry, ngk, I shouldn’t have said that.”

Aziraphale looked down at his shoes. “It’s quite alright, dear boy. I’m getting used to it. Well, goodbye.”

Aziraphale shut the front door before Tony could utter a goodbye in response. He had to quell the urge to throw open the door and call for Aziraphale to come back. Tony reminded himself that he did not know this man, despite his familiarity. It was probably very difficult for Aziraphale to be around him, given what Elinor said about her other father. Of course Tony had to be a doppelganger of some guy's dead husband.

Tony cursed quietly to himself and went in search of alcohol in his cupboards.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, this chapter ended up quite long. Enjoy I guess!!

“Raphael Carlisle?”

Tony cringed at the use of his first name and stood up to follow the nurse. They led him into an exam room and had him sit to wait for the doctor.

Every month since Tony had been released form hospital after his coma, he came in for an appointment to check his condition. The doctors were concerned that his memory might get worse and wanted to keep an eye on him.

After a few minutes, the exam room door opened, and a doctor entered the room.

“Raphael, is it? I’m doctor Range,” the doctor said.

“Er, I go by Tony actually.”

Dr. Range made a noise of acknowledgement and pulled up a chair.

“So, Tony, anything new with your amnesia? Any difficulty remembering things from after your coma? Any memories from before your coma?”

“No, on both counts,” Tony said, shifting on the exam table.

“Alright, well, in that case we are just going to do your usual tests and you will be on your way.”

The doctor went through an array of tests, poking and prodding at Tony in every which way. The whole exam took all of twenty minutes and Tony really wished he didn’t have to come all the way to central London for this crap. When Dr. Range finished with Tony, he stepped out of the hospital and started the long trek back to his flat. 

Halfway to the station for his tube, the heavens opened, and it started pouring. Tony cursed and pulled his jacket close to his body. He was NOT prepared for rain and was soon thoroughly soaked.

As Tony made his way down the street, he noticed a vintage Bentley pull up to the curb ahead of him. He admired the well-maintained car as he approached and was surprised when the window rolled down and a familiar face poked out.

“Tony, is that you?” Aziraphale said from inside the car.

Tony stopped walking and stared at Aziraphale.

“Where the _hell_ did you find a car like that, Aziraphale?” Tony said dumbly.

Aziraphale turned slightly pale and clicked his tongue. “Get in, Tony. You are going to catch your death out there!”

Tony hesitated and then walked around the car to the other side. He slipped in the passenger side and cringed as his damp coat made contact with the leather seat back.

“What are you even doing in this part of London, Tony? You live over an hour away!” Aziraphale said as he carefully merged back with traffic. 

“Er, I had a doctor’s appointment. At St. Bartholomew’s.”

Aziraphale glanced at Tony with worry. “You aren’t sick are you?”

“Ngk, no, not exactly,” Tony said, scratching the back of his head. His hair was sodden.

“You are quite soaked, aren’t you? I will take you to my flat and we will get you dry.”

Tony turned his head to stare at Aziraphale. “That’s really not necessary. You can just give me a ride to the underground station and I can change when I get home.”

“No,” Aziraphale said firmly in a way that sent a shiver down Tony’s spine with the finality held in that single syllable. “I live only fifteen minutes away and I will not allow you to ride public transportation soaking wet!”

Tony huffed and slumped in his seat. He then remembered the quality of the vehicle he was sitting in and straightened his posture.

“Fine,” Tony bit out, trying to sound annoyed. He ignored the fluttering in his stomach at the concept of going to Aziraphale’s flat.

Aziraphale drove in silence with an air of quiet pride at winning the mini argument. Soon they pulled into a tiny back alley parking space that seemed completely out of place for the part of Soho they were in. The two got out of the Bentley and dashed out of the alley and around the corner.

They entered a dimly lit book shop. Tony looked around in confusion as he stood dripping on the mat inside the door. 

“Uh, Aziraphale, where are we?”

Aziraphale tutted as he walked toward the back of the shop. “This is my book shop. Follow me and please do be careful not to drip on any of the books.”

Tony swallowed and followed Aziraphale. At the back of the shop was a little stairwell that led up into a cozy looking flat. Tony stood in the entryway while Aziraphale disappeared down a hallway.

The flat was small and had a weird mixture of cozy and modern décor. Next to a very plush looking sofa with a tartan throw over the back of it was an angular black chair that looked like it belonged in some bigshot’s office. Over the mantel of a fireplace were several framed photos.

Tony kicked off his shoes by the door and shuffled over to the fireplace to get a better look at the pictures.

He immediately recognized a school photo of Elinor. She was smiling widely and had her long hair braided over her shoulder. Tony’s eyes moved over more pictures of Elinor and settled on what looked like a family photo. Tony leaned in closer to the photo. He gasped in shock.  
Staring back at him was his own face. Well, not quite.

In the photo, a much happier looking Aziraphale than Tony knew was standing with one hand on Elinor’s shoulder and the other wrapped around a tall slim man who looked a great deal like Tony. Tony guessed the other man in the photo was Aziraphale’s dead partner.

Tony now understood why Elinor had mistaken him for her lost father. The looked almost exactly like Tony. They shared the same angular jaw line and face shape. But where Tony’s face was slightly round, the other man’s was sharp and almost, what? Serpentine? He was also slightly slimmer than Tony. His hair was the same length as Tony’s but a much more vivid shade of red where Tony’s hair was more auburn. Then there were the eyes. Tony squinted at the picture and blinked a couple of times. There was no way he was seeing that correctly. It looked like the man’s eyes were bright yellow, and slit pupiled?

There was a quiet cough behind Tony. He spun around on his heel so find Aziraphale looking at him with an utterly unreadable expression and holding a towel and what looked like a change of clothes.

“S-sorry, I was just, erm, I was just looking at your photos,” Tony said, moving away from the mantle. “Is that your, uh, partner? The ginger bloke?”

Aziraphale glanced behind Tony as if looking at the photo from all the way across the room. “Yes, it is. I brought you a towel.”

“R-right,” Tony said, stepping toward Aziraphale.

Aziraphale handed Tony the towel, and then looked at the clothes he was holding fondly. 

“I also have a change of clothes for you,” Aziraphale said softly, “I didn’t think anything of mine would fit you, so these are my husband’s. Were my husband’s.”

“Oh,” Tony said quietly. He stared at the pair of trackies and t-shirt that Aziraphale was tentatively holding out to him. “I-I can’t- I couldn’t Aziraphale-”

“It’s quite alright, my dear. Please change into them. Your clothes are soaking wet.”

Tony hesitantly took the clothes from Aziraphale.

“The bathroom is down the hall, first door on the left,” Aziraphale said, not meeting Tony’s eye.

Tony swallowed and nodded. He hesitated a moment before shuffling past Aziraphale and to the bathroom.

He quickly pealed off his jacket, t-shirt, and jeans. Luckily his boxers were dry. Tony dried his skin and hair with the soft towel that Aziraphale had given him and then considered the dry clothes. After some hesitation, Tony pulled on the trackies and t-shirt. There was nothing remarkable about the clothes; the trackies were just simple grey and the t-shirt a plain black. They fit Tony very well though, almost as if they were his own clothes. 

Tony considered himself in the mirror. He wondered what it was like for Aziraphale to see him. I must hurt like hell to look into the face of a stranger and see a lost loved one. Tony shook his head and forced the thought away. It wasn’t productive to speculate on other’s pain. He ruffled the towel over his hair again.

He left the bathroom and found a fire going in the fireplace and a clothing rack set up in front of it. Aziraphale peaked his head around a doorway and his face did something complicated and painful looking before settling into neutrality.

“You can put your wet clothes out to dry in front of the fire,” Aziraphale said, “I’m making tea, if you would like some.”

“S-sure, thank you,” Tony said. 

Aziraphale disappeared through the doorway into what Tony assumed was a kitchen. Tony retrieved his wet clothes and set them on the clothing rack. He also grabbed his shoes and put them by the fire. It looked like he was going to be there for a while. Tony eyed the furniture and sat on the edge of the sofa.

Just then, the door to the flat opened and Elinor in a raincoat and galoshes came in. She looked up at Tony in surprise.

“Hello Elinor,” Tony said, offering the girl a small smile.

Elinor smiled back, “hi! You helped my orchid, your name is Tony, right?”

“Yes, my name is Tony.”

“Do you want to see my orchid?” Elinor asked as she quickly took off her coat and boots.

“Sure, might as well see how it is doing.”

Elinor grinned and motioned for Tony to follow her. She led him into a brightly decorated bedroom. Elinor went over to the windowsill and pointed at a flowering orchid.

Tony frowned in confusion and approached the plant. It had only been maybe a week and a half since he had last seen the plant. To say the least, it should not have been flowering yet. He gently touched one of the flowers as if trying to see if they were some sort of illusion.

“Does it look ok?” Elinor asked meekly.

Tony looked at the girl. “Uh, y-yeah. It looks great! You’re going a fantastic job of caring for it.”

Elinor beamed at him.

“Elinor, what are you doing to our guest?” Aziraphale’s voice spoke from the door.

Tony and Elinor turned to look at him.

“I was showing Tony my orchid, dad! He says I’m doing a fantastic job of caring for it!” the little girl said, bouncing up to her father.

“Is that so?” Aziraphale looked at Tony. Tony stood and felt his face heat slightly. “Tea is ready, Tony.”

Tony nodded and followed Aziraphale out of Elinor’s room. Elinor stayed behind in her room. The two men sat down in the living room. Aziraphale sat in a chair that looked exactly like what Tony expected Aziraphale’s chair would look like. Tony settled himself back on the sofa.

“Would you like any sugar in your tea, Tony?” Aziraphale asked, while he spooned sugar into a cup of tea.

“Er, no thank you.”

Aziraphale put the spoon he was using into his mug of tea and then handed the other one to Tony. Tony took it and carefully sipped at the hot liquid.

Tony and Aziraphale sat in silence for a few minutes, just sipping their tea and watching the fire.

“What was-”

“Why were you-”

Aziraphale and Tony looked at each other in mild embarrassment. Aziraphale motioned for Tony to go first.

“Ngk, I was going to ask, what was your husband’s name? I-If it’s not too difficult of a subject.”

Aziraphale looked slightly sad and Tony wanted to punch himself in the face for broaching the subject.

“His name was Crowley,” Aziraphale said. Tony cocked his head slightly at the odd name. It felt familiar. “His parents were, er, eccentric.”

Tony nodded. They sipped their tea in silence for a moment again.

“What were you going to ask?” Tony said eventually.

“Oh, it’s nothing. I was just curious as to why you were at the hospital today.”

Tony was slightly thrown by the question. It felt very personal for some reason.

“Ngk, it was a check-up. I, uh, I have to go once a month. I-I was in a coma a-a couple of months ago and I’ve got pretty severe amnesia. The doctors are keeping an eye on my condition in case it gets worse.”

Aziraphale looked sad again, but in a different way. “I am sorry. That sounds difficult. Do you have anyone that is helping you through this? Anyone from before your coma?”

Tony shook his head and looked down into his mug. “No, my parents are dead according to records and I can’t remember anyone from before my coma. No one has sought me out. I have a feeling I wasn’t very social, before.”

“Oh my, that’s unfortunate.”

Tony just nodded. He hadn’t really thought about how alone he was in this world before. It made Tony want to run and hide but also never leave Aziraphale and Elinor’s flat. A tear rolled down Tony’s cheek and into his tea, startling him. He sniffed and wiped at his eyes.

“Oh no, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have asked,” Aziraphale said with concern.

Tony waved him off. “It’s fine. I don’t really know why I’m crying. I’ve never had trouble talking about this before.”

An awkward silence stretched between the two. Tony worried his thumb over the join between the mug and the bottom of its handle.

Tony finished his tea and set the mug on the coffee table.

Aziraphale spoke before Tony could do anything more, “would you like to stay for dinner? S-so that your clothing has more time to dry?”

“Ngk,” Tony said, he could feel his face heat up. “S-sure, might as well.”

Tony cursed himself quietly. He had been meaning to leave just then, but now it was too late. Aziraphale smiled warmly and stood up.

“Fantastic, I was going to make spaghetti, if that’s alright? You don’t have any dietary restrictions, do you? I’ve heard they are all the rage these days.”

“Er, no, spaghetti sounds fine. I’m not picky about food.”

Aziraphale nodded and picked up Tony’s mug. The fair-haired man then shuffled into what Tony was now certain was his kitchen. 

Tony sat and thought about Aziraphale’s weird statement. He decided it wasn’t worth his energy to try and figure out what the man had meant. Instead, he got up and walked over to where Aziraphale had disappeared.

Past the doorway was a tiny little kitchenette that was mostly taken up by a small dining table. Aziraphale was putting a pot of water on the stove to boil.

“Is there anything I can do to help?” Tony asked.

Aziraphale looked at him. “No, thank you. There isn’t much to spaghetti. I just have to boil the noodles and warm the sauce,” Aziraphale said, gesturing at a jar of pasta sauce on the counter.

Tony nodded and returned to the living room. He felt weird. Something about being in Aziraphale’s flat was making his stomach twist into knots and there was a clawing sensation at the back of his mind that he couldn’t identify. He glanced at the picture of Aziraphale, Elinor, and Crowley on the mantel and felt his stomach twist painfully.

It wasn’t like Tony didn’t want to be here, spending time with Aziraphale. Hell, he hadn’t been able to think about much else besides Aziraphale since that night he stumbled into the garden centre clutching that sad little orchid like his life depended on it. Tony’s heart went out to the sad man. He just felt like he was intruding on these people’s lives. It really didn’t help that Tony really did look so much like this Crowley fellow.

Tony felt sick to his stomach.

He stood up from the sofa and began to quietly pace the small living room of the flat. He wandered over to the window and peaked out of the curtain to the street below. It was still raining steadily. Great, Tony was going to be soaked by the time he got home.

Tony moved away from the window and over to a bookshelf that was built into the wall. Most of the titles were completely unfamiliar to Tony. There were very old looking books mixed in with newer looking ones with no obvious organizational method. Tony noted that several of the newer looking books were about child rearing and pregnancy. His eyes fell on a familiar title.

He pulled out what looked like an ancient copy of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Tony flipped open the cover and began looking through the pages.

“Are you a fan of Shakespeare?” Aziraphale’s voice spoke.

Tony startled slightly and shut the book, looking at Aziraphale. 

“Ngk, n-not really. I like some of the comedies, but Hamlet is my favourite tragedy,” Tony said as he put the book back on the shelf. He realized what he had said and stared at Aziraphale in shock.

Tony didn’t know how he knew he liked Hamlet or Shakespeare at all. 

Aziraphale raised his eyebrows questioningly. Tony looked away, trying to make his expression neutral.

“Well, I was just coming in here to say that dinner is ready.”

“R-right,” Tony said.

Aziraphale nodded and moved away from Tony and down the hall. Tony heard Aziraphale tell Elinor that it was time for dinner. Elinor skipped out of her room past Aziraphale and toward the kitchenette.

“Elinor Fell, walk in the flat please,” Aziraphale said firmly.

Elinor slowed down to a walk and shot a guilty look at Tony. She seemed to realize Tony was still there and smiled at him. He smiled back and followed Elinor and Aziraphale to the table.

The three sat down and Aziraphale dished noodles and sauce on to each of their plates. The meal started in silence. Eventually Aziraphale started chatting with Elinor about her school. She spoke in a captivatingly lively manner that Tony found himself enthralled by. He ate his pasta and listened to the girl as she rambled about class and her friends. Even after they had all finished eating, Elinor kept talking.

When Aziraphale got up to put their dirty dishes in the sink, and Elinor paused talking, Tony stood up.

“I should really be going now,” Tony said.

Aziraphale turned to look at Tony from the sink. “Let me get my coat and I’ll give you a lift home.”

“Ngk, t-that’s not necessary. You’ve already done so much for me today. I can make my own way home by the tube.”

Aziraphale pursed his lips and frowned. “It’s really no trouble, my dear.”

“No, really Aziraphale. I would feel awful if you went out of your way to drive me home. Thank you for taking me in out of the rain and having me for dinner. I don’t want to intrude anymore. I’ll just change into my clothes and be out of your hair.”

Aziraphale looked slightly sad. “You aren’t. Intruding, I mean. Oh, if you really insist, I guess I can’t force you to let me give you a lift. You are very welcome. And you are welcome back here anytime.”

Tony swallowed past the lump that formed in his throat and nodded. He hesitated a moment more before turning from the room and going to change.

His clothes were perfectly dry and warm when he removed them from in front of the fire. Tony changed into them and left Crowley’s clothes neatly folded on the bathroom counter. Then he left the bathroom and retrieved his shoes.

Aziraphale and Elinor stood and watched as Tony slipped on his shoes, which were remarkably dry for having been 

“Erm, thank you again for having me,” Tony said once he had finished with his shoes. 

“Of course, my dear. Please feel free to visit again any time.”

Tony hated what that comment from Aziraphale, who was still pretty much a fucking stranger, did to him. Tony could only nod in response.

“Well, bye then,” he said.

“Goodbye, Tony. May your journey home be safe and dry,” Aziraphale said with a smile.

“Bye Tony, will you come see my orchid again sometime?” Elinor asked.

Tony smiled faintly at the girl and nodded, “yes, I will Elinor. Goodbye.”

Elinor smiled and waved as Tony left the flat. He closed the door behind himself and found his way back through Aziraphale’s bookshop.

He stepped outside onto the street and was surprised to see the rain had stopped. The break in the weather persisted until Tony was safely inside his flat and he spent his whole journey home thinking about Aziraphale’s broken little family.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: There is some physical violence in this one, it's not too graphic but it is there.

Tony thoroughly regretted agreeing to go out with a few of his coworkers one weekend. The moment they had gotten to the pub, his coworkers had abandoned him at the bar.

He was still sitting there two hours later. His coworkers by this point were sloshed and doing shitty karaoke. Tony was still nursing the drink he had gotten at the beginning of the night.

Some drunk man slid into the seat next to Tony and waved over the bartender.

“Beer for me, whatever amber you have on tap, and another of whatever this lovely fellow is having,” the man said, shooting Tony a wicked grin.

Tony blanched and stuttered out a response, “n-no thank you, I don’t need another drink. I’ve still got this one.”

The bartender gave Tony a meaningful look and nodded then set to pouring the other man’s beer. Said other man turned to Tony with a dramatic pout.

“Oh come on now, I was just trying to me nice! What’s your name, doll?”

Tony was not liking what was happening. This man was _flirting_ with him!

“R-Raphael,” Tony stuttered, hoping using his first name would lessen the risk of the man finding him outside of the bar.

“Well, Raphael, I must say you look radiant tonight.”

“Ngk,” Tony said, sipping his drink with a shaky hand.

The bartender set the other man’s beer on the counter with a little more force than necessary. The man took a deep drink of it then returned his attention to Tony.

“I’m Lukas, but you can call me Luke. What’s a pretty little thing like you doing here all alone?”

“Hrk, I-I’m here with some coworkers.”

Luke cast an eye around the bar. “Doesn’t seem like they are paying you too much attention to you.”

Tony just sipped his drink in response and avoided looking at the man.

Luke leaned in closer to Tony and put a hand on Tony’s wrist. “What do you say we get out of here and make our own fun?”

Tony, in panic, stood up and pushed Luke away with surprising force. Luke fell off his chair and landed on the floor. A few patrons turned to stare at the scene. Tony looked around, slapped some money on the counter and left as quickly as he could before Luke regained his senses and got up.

Tony fled the pub and walked quickly down the street. He heard a shout from behind him and started running. Tony dashed around corners and down streets, hoping to lose his pursuers. He rounded a corner and came face to face with a dead end. Turning to run, Tony stopped in his tracks. His escape was blocked by Luke and two other imposing men. Tony’s blood ran cold.

The rest was a blur. The men blocked Tony into the alley. They were jeering and yelling at him, but Tony couldn’t hear them over the blood rushing in his ears. Then the first of many punches landed in his stomach. Tony was too weak to fight back and just had to lay there, hoping it would stop. Eventually, the men seemed to lose interest and left Tony in a blood heap.

Tony whimpered and opened his eyes. The world was blurry and dark, but Tony could see that he was alone. He weakly tugged his mobile out of his pocket, praying that it wasn’t damaged. He breathed a painful sigh of relief when the screen turned on and was intact. In his panic and pain, Tony opened his contacts list and called Aziraphale’s number.

The phone rang twice and the connected with a click.

“Hello, this is the Fell residence,” Aziraphale’s voice spoke through the phone.

“A-aziraphale,” Tony whimpered into the phone.

There was a moment of silence and then Aziraphale’s voice spoke again with mild concern, “Tony? Is that you? Is everything alright? You sound, off.”

“H-help,” Tony said. Speaking was difficult. It both hurt and it was hard to form coherent thoughts. “M h-hurt.”

“Oh lord. Stay right where you are and try not to move. I’ll come to you. Where are you?”

Tony blacked out before he could respond.

***

Tony drifted lazily into consciousness. The bed he was in was warm and soft. He snuggled into the blanket and let out a contented sigh. 

Then his brain caught up slightly with his nose and Tony froze.

The blanket smelled wrong. This was not his bed. 

Tony opened his eyes and sat up, looking around with immediate panic. His brain was slowly fitting memories of the night before into place, which only served to increase Tony’s panic with every second. 

He looked down at himself, expecting to see his outfit from last night but more rumpled and bloodier or no clothes at all. Instead he found a soft black t-shirt covering his chest. Tony patted his chest and stomach gently but did not find any of the bruises that he was expecting.

This didn’t make any sense.

Tony looked around the room again and felt a sense of familiarity about it. It was dark, but he could see the bed was a four poster with its curtains tied back. The bedspread was a large patchwork tartan quilt and there was a sleek dresser in the corner.

The creak of the bedroom door made Tony jump. He watched in fear as the door opened slowly.

Aziraphale appeared as the door opened. Tony felt a sense of relief was over him as the man looked up at Tony with his gentle blue eyes. Aziraphale looked a little surprised when he saw that Tony was staring at him. Then his face softened.

“Oh good, you are awake Tony. I was worried you were more injured than what I could fix.”

Tony looked at Aziraphale slightly confused. His brain clicked into place another piece of information.

“This is your bed,” Tony stated quietly.

Aziraphale blinked. “Yes, it is. Do you remember what happened, Tony?”

“I… I went to the pub after work with some coworkers… a-and some bloke started hitting on me and I-I pushed him and ran from the pub. H-he chased me and he and some other blokes beat me up,” Tony paused. “But I don’t seem to be injured. H-How am I not hurt?” Tony looked at Aziraphale with confusion and panic. Had he fallen into another coma somehow?

Aziraphale stepped to the side of the bed and sat down. He placed a hesitant hand on Tony’s shoulder.

“You’ve only been asleep overnight. You weren’t that badly injured when I found you.”

Tony wanted to believe Aziraphale, but something in his brain was screaming at him that this was wrong, and he should be badly injured.

“I called you instead of an ambulance,” Tony said quietly. “How did you find me?”

“Oh, you told me right before you fell unconscious.”

That didn’t seem right to Tony, but he wasn’t going to argue.

“You saved me like some sort of guardian angel,” Tony murmured, “thank you.”

Aziraphale looked a little shocked. “Y-you’re welcome.”

The buzz of Tony’s mobile ripped through the air. Tony startled and looked at the bedside table where the device was angrily vibrating. He picked up the phone and answered it.

“H-hello?”

“Tony, where the hell are you? Your shift started an hour ago!”

Tony cringed; it was one of his managers. “I, er, I got attacked last night. I’m at, uh, a friend’s house.”

“Oh my God, are you okay? What happened?”

“I’m fine. I got jumped by some idiot who was flirting with me.”

“Christ. You don’t have to come in. Just rest up and take care of yourself.”

“Ngk, t-thanks Cassie.”

“Of course, I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”

The phone hung up before Tony could say goodbye back. He looked down at his mobile but didn’t really see it.

“Who was that?” Aziraphale asked.

“Ngk, my manager.”

“Oh, what did they say?” 

“T-that I don’t need to come into work today,” Tony replied, setting his mobile down.

“Oh, well, that’s good. I don’t think I would have let you go even if they had said you needed to go in.”

Something about Aziraphale’s tone was weirdly possessive. It made a shiver run down Tony’s spine. He was suddenly overwhelmed with the confusing urge to kiss Aziraphale.  
Aziraphale stood up and started walking toward the door.

“I’ve made breakfast, it’s in the kitchen,” Aziraphale said, leaving the room.

Tony sat for a moment longer then got out of the bed. He realized he was wearing Aziraphale’s husband’s clothes again, the same pair from a couple weeks before. That made Tony feel queasy. 

He shuffled into the kitchen and found Aziraphale sitting at the table with a plate of bacon and eggs. There was another plate set across from him. Tony sat down in front of that plate.

“There is more food on the stove, if that isn’t enough for you,” Aziraphale said.

Tony nodded and began slowly eating. His brain was still trying to process everything and was being very slow about it. He really didn’t understand how he wasn’t in pain. Luke and his blokes had beaten Tony quite badly.

Finishing his food, Tony pushed the plate away and stood up.

“I really should get back home,” Tony said.

Aziraphale stood from the table.

“Alright, I’ll give you a lift home,” Aziraphale said.

“Ngk, that’s not necessary Aziraphale.”

“Tony,” Aziraphale said firmly, “I am not letting you make your way home alone. I will give you a ride to ensure your safety.”

Tony didn’t know how to protest that and so he just nodded.

Aziraphale quickly cleared the table and then went and retrieved Tony’s things.

“You can keep the clothes you are currently wearing, Tony. Your things are still wet from the wash.”

Tony didn’t feel quite right about taking these clothes. They belonged to Aziraphale’s husband. Taking them felt wrong, but he wasn’t about to protest because he knew that Aziraphale would win.

Aziraphale led Tony through the book shop and out around to the Bentley that Aziraphale had picked Tony up in on that rainy day. Tony slid into the passenger seat beside Aziraphale and they set off on the long drive back to Tony’s flat.

It was very quiet in the car.

“Could you put some music on? It’s very quiet,” Tony said.

A pained look crossed Aziraphale’s face. “All of the tapes are Queen by now, best not.”

“Oh, okay,” Tony said, dropping the subject.

So, they drove in complete silence the rest of the way.

Eventually the pulled up in front of Tony’s flat and Aziraphale stopped the car. He patted his thighs in a nervous gesture.

“So, here you are then,” Aziraphale said.

“Yeah. Thank you for the ride, Aziraphale. I’m afraid we are uneven again,” Tony said.

Aziraphale looked at him in confusion. “What do you mean, Tony?”

“W-well, when I returned that orchid, you said you’d pay me back somehow. I felt like getting me out of that storm the other week was that pay back. Now we are uneven again ‘cause of this,” Tony said, gesturing at nothing in particular.

“Oh dear boy, no. I couldn’t fathom you paying me back in some kindness for saving your life.”

There was another odd turn of phrase that made Tony feel weird. He pushed the feeling aside and stared down at his lap. 

He didn’t know how to respond to Aziraphale and so he just sat in silence for a minute. Then he did something impulsive and stupid.

Tony turned to face Aziraphale, grabbed him by the lapels, and pulled the other man in for a kiss. 

Aziraphale made a noise of surprise but returned the kiss. Tony realized what he was doing and pulled away as if he had been burned. He and Aziraphale stared at eachother in mute shock. Then Tony bolted from the car and up the steps to his flat. He heard Aziraphale call after him, but Tony didn’t stop running until he was safely inside his flat with the door locked.

Tony sank to the ground with his back to the door and buried his face in his hands. What the fuck had possessed him to go and kiss Aziraphale? Tony wanted to curl into himself and disappear.   
He had made a stupid unwanted advance on the man and had probably royally ruined any chance of being friends with the man.

(He kissed you back, idiot.)

Tony groaned and pushed that thought away. Aziraphale had probably only kissed him back in shock. Yeah, that made sense.

Tony pushed himself off the floor and went into his bedroom. He stripped off his borrowed clothing and stuffed it into an empty drawer in his dresser. Tony noticed that he wasn’t wearing any pants; that realization both made his face heat and his stomach lurch with nausea. He pulled on some of his own clean clothes and crawled into his own bed.

He was going to sleep off the rest of the day and desperately try to forget today.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Tony has a panic attack in this chapter and there is some vomiting. Nothing too graphic, but I like to be safe rather than sorry with warnings.

Tony woke up in the middle of the night from a very weird and very vivid dream. He sat up and rubbed his face. He picked up his phone and turned on the screen to look at the time.

It was 2 AM. There was no way he was going to get back to sleep. Great. Work the next day was going to be fantastic.

Tony dropped his phone on his bed and sighed. His mind drifted to his dream.

There was no denying his subconscious was on some crazy shit. In the dream, Tony had been a demon. Aziraphale had also been in the dream, but not as his self, not really. Aziraphale had been an angel. For most of the dream, Tony’s vision of Aziraphale had alternated between seeing him as a human and seeing him as an angel, all many eyes and limbs. Tony and Aziraphale had been standing on some massive wall, spectating some strange reenactment of the bit of the bible where Adam and Eve were kicked out of Eden.

Tony didn’t know what to make of the dream and thinking about Aziraphale only made his heart race. He suddenly remembered having kissed Aziraphale the day before. Now Tony’s face felt like it was on fire.

He groaned and hid his face in his hands.

“Stupid fucking idiot. What the hell did you do that!?” Tony shouted at himself.

(You’re in love with him.)

The breath caught in Tony’s throat. He couldn’t even try to deny the idea. It felt too real and true. Tony stared at the ceiling in mortified shock. How the _fuck_ had that happened?

He barely knew Aziraphale, and here he was, one hundred and ten percent in love with the man. Tony was horrified. Had he been able to fall so easily for someone before? Before he lost his memories and his life? Tony couldn’t remember. Of course, he couldn’t remember. He couldn’t remember anything! How was Tony to even know if he was the same person as the one who had gone into a coma?

Tony’s stomach lurched dangerously, forcing him out of bed and to the toilet. He vomited up what little was in his stomach and then kept dry heaving for a while. He couldn’t get his breathing under control and had started trembling violently. Tony felt like he was dying.

He curled into a ball on the floor and began sobbing uncontrollably.

***

Tony called in sick to work the next day. He had not slept the rest of the night and felt like shit. His manager, Cassie, was understanding and assumed he just needed more time to get over what had happened over the weekend. She gave him the rest of the week off.

Tony spent the day in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. The next day, he felt much better and decided to spend the day caring for his plants.

Around noon, Tony’s phone began to ring. He picked up the device and saw that it was Aziraphale calling him. He declined the call with trembling hands and shut his phone off completely. There was no way that Tony could handle talking to Aziraphale, not now, maybe not ever again.

The week dragged on and Tony stayed holed up in his flat. He went out only once, and only to the store down on the corner to get more food, because he was running out.

By the end of the week, Tony’s flat was immaculate and his plants, the healthy ones at least, were pristine.

It was Friday. Tony was roused from deep sleep by very insistent knocking on his door. Dragging his blanket with him, Tony shuffled to the door. He yawned and opened the door.

Aziraphale was standing on the other side looking distraught. Tony’s breath caught in his throat and his heart skipped a beat.

“Thank goodness. I was worried you weren’t going to answer the door,” Aziraphale began rambling, “I’ve been trying to ring you, but you weren’t answering your phone and I was getting really worried. I called your work, but they said you weren’t going to be in for a while. I-I thought, oh I don’t know what I thought. I was worried you had gone and done something rash.”

The way Aziraphale was talking stirred a sense of remembrance in Tony. A sudden dreadful sense of why Aziraphale was standing there, looking so frantic and relieved at the same time, washed over Tony. It was now painfully obvious that the man cared a great deal for Tony and that Tony’s little drop off the map was reminding him of some painful memory. Possibly it was even reminding him of when he lost-

Tony cut that thought off.

“I’m sorry, Aziraphale. Please come in,” Tony said, stepping aside. Aziraphale rung his hands nervously as he stepped past Tony. “I’m just going to go put on some real clothes, and I’ll be right back,” Tony reached out and gave Aziraphale a little reassuring squeeze on the shoulder before dashing into his bedroom.

Tony pulled on a pair of jeans and a clean shirt. Then he returned to the living room, where Aziraphale was perched on the sofa. 

Aziraphale stood up quickly when Tony entered the room. Tony raised a hand in a gesture of calming.

“Sit back down, Aziraphale. Stay. Do you want anything? Tea? Water? Er, crackers?”

Aziraphale sat down slowly. He looked nervous. “No, thank you, my dear. I. I would just like to sit and talk with you, if that’s alright?”

Tony swallowed and nodded. He came over to the sofa and sat down next to Aziraphale, not close enough that they were touching but close enough that Tony could feel Aziraphale’s body heat radiating off of him.

“Where were you?” Aziraphale asked quietly, after some time.

Tony looked down at his lap in shame. He had hurt Aziraphale, that much was obvious.

“I was here, in my flat.”

“Why didn’t you answer your phone or return my calls?” Aziraphale sounded slightly angry and it broke Tony’s heart.

He tried to imagine what Aziraphale was feeling. Of course, the nature of Aziraphale’s feelings toward Tony were not completely known, but Tony could make a damn good guess. To lose someone you care so deeply for, and then for another to disappear; it must be soul crushing.

“I- ngk. I-I was afraid to- to face you,” Tony said, “I. I didn’t want to face the possibility of- of conflict. Of ruining whatever is going on between us, be-because I overstepped my bounds,” Tony paused to take a deep breath. “Because I kissed you.”

Aziraphale was deadly quiet and Tony was afraid to look at him, to face whatever may be on the man’s face.

“Tony, I am not upset at you for kissing me, if that’s what is worrying you. It was just a kiss, there was no harm done.”

Tony turned to face Aziraphale with a sudden rush of anger.

“Just a kiss, Aziraphale?! You’re a married man! And we are just- we’re just strangers! Sure, we may have been edging toward friends, but look at me royally fucking that up! Leave it to the useless idiot who can’t even remember his fucking parents to go and ruin any chance at having a meaningful relationship with someone by falling in love with them!”

Aziraphale’s face softened in a weird way that Tony couldn’t quite place an emotion to. He flushed at his own declaration and looked away from Aziraphale. He had not meant to say that; it all just kind of came tumbling out.

“You. Love me?” Aziraphale asked softly.

“Ngk,” Tony said.

“Tony, my dear, please look at me.”

Tony forced himself to meet Aziraphale’s eye. Aziraphale’s expression was soft and welcoming.

“I do care for you, very much,” Aziraphale said, “it is a bit confusing, and I don’t exactly know the nature of my feelings. I haven’t truly loved anyone before, well, except for one notable exception-” Aziraphale smiled in a sort of sad but fond way and touched his wedding band- “but that is besides the point. I have nothing wrong with love. It is my personal view that all love should be cherished and allowed to flourish, and while I may still be in love with my- my departed husband, I would not be opposed to the idea of opening my heart again.”

Tony blinked at Aziraphale. What the fuck was he saying?

Tony swallowed to get some moisture back in his suddenly dry mouth and spoke, “w-what are you saying, Aziraphale?”

Aziraphale sighed and looked down at the silver band that adorned his ring finger. That simple symbol of his devotion to another person.

“When you didn’t answer my calls, at first I thought you were just resting or needed some time to yourself. But then the week drew on and you _still_ weren’t answering my calls, and I started to feel- to feel like I did when- when,” Aziraphale swallowed and a tear fell from his eye and into his lap.

Tony placed a hand on Aziraphale’s shoulder. “You don’t have to say it, I know.”

Aziraphale angrily wiped at his tears. “That’s just the thing though! You don’t know, Tony. You couldn’t! Even if you have lost someone you loved, you probably don’t remember it! When I couldn’t reach you, it felt like when he- when Crowley- disappeared! I was distraught. That’s why I came here; I needed to find you. I can’t lose you like I did him. I know we don’t know each other very well, but I feel an undeniable connection to you Tony. I don’t know what it is yet, but I think it may be love.”

Aziraphale’s outburst had Tony feeling shocked and conflicted. He wanted more than anything to wrap Aziraphale in his arms and never let go, but he also wanted to beat himself up for having hurt Aziraphale. He also felt mildly hurt by what Aziraphale said, for having used his amnesia to prove a point. Also, at some point during Aziraphale’s rant, Tony had caught a passing whiff of smoke and had experienced a brief flash of deep sorrow.

“Tony, please say something,” Aziraphale said.

Tony realized he had been staring blankly at Aziraphale for a while.

A million different thoughts were running through Tony’s head and he was having trouble picking them apart from each other. So, he did something that he hoped would express what he was thinking.

He kissed Aziraphale.

It started off hesitant and gentle, but then Aziraphale pulled Tony closer and deepened the kiss. Tony somehow ended up in Aziraphale’s lap. Then Aziraphale’s hand was in Tony’s hair, and he _tugged_.

Tony growled in a positively inhuman way. Fuck, he had missed this.

Realization hit Tony like a brick to the head. He pulled away and scrambled off Aziraphale’s lap and to the other side of the room. He stared at Aziraphale with wide eyes and panting breath. Aziraphale looked shocked and confused and more than a little bit concerned.

Foggy images swam through his head. Images of Aziraphale. Memories, Tony realized. From before.

“Tony, what’s wrong? Did I go too far?” Aziraphale asked, rising from the sofa.

Tony backed into the wall. “Stop. Don’t come closer. I- I need a moment. My- my head…”

Aziraphale stayed where he was standing by the sofa. Tony tried to get his breathing in check, but it was hard to focus over the onslaught of jumbled and rather suggestive images that his brain was throwing at him.

“I- I know you, Aziraphale,” Tony stuttered.

“Well, of course you do, Tony.”

“No! That’s not what I mean. I mean- I mean I know you, from- from before. Before my coma. Before I lost my memories. I knew you- ngk- I knew you _biblically_. But that doesn’t make any fucking sense! You haven’t made any indication that you knew me before, besides the fact that I look vaguely like your husband.”

Aziraphale cautiously approached Tony. “Tony, you need to calm down. You aren’t making sense.”

“I don’t feel well,” Tony said, before collapsing to the floor and into utter darkness.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in one day!? It's more likely than you think!
> 
> In all seriousness though, I hope y'all enjoy this one!! I have a feeling it's what a lot of y'all have been hoping for ;). Just maybe one or two more chapters and then this fic is done! I'm not sure if I will do more in the series right now, but I would like to if I can get enough ideas to write about!

“Tony! Tony please wake up,” Aziraphale’s voice said, forcing Tony back to consciousness. Something warm landed on his cheek.

Tony opened his eyes and tried to brush whatever was on his cheek off. It turned out to be wet. Tony looked up at Aziraphale. He was crying and looked terrified.

“Tony, are you okay?”

“Wha’ ‘appened?” Tony slurred.

“Y-you were talking nonsense and then you just collapsed!”

Tony remembered what had happened. He sat up and tried to shuffle away from Aziraphale, but he was already up against the wall.

“I- I,” Tony couldn’t form a coherent thought, even more memories were cropping up in his brain, but none of them made any sense. He clutched at his head. “M-my name is Raphael Anthony Carlisle,” Tony shouted, trying to center himself with the facts he knew were true. “I am 39 years old. My date of birth is January 17. My parents are dead. Their names were James and Meredith Carlisle. I-I was in a coma for three months and 7 days. I have severe retrograde amnesia. My- my name,” Tony had started crying and it was getting hard to speak past the tears. “My name- i-it’s-” Tony devolved into wracking sobs.

Nothing made sense anymore. Tony’s mind was a right mess and he couldn’t sort anything out.

Arms wrapped around Tony and he let Aziraphale pull him close. Tony clung to Aziraphale’s shirt and sobbed into his chest. Aziraphale ran a hand up and down Tony’s back.

“I- I don’t know what’s happening t-to m-me,” Tony sobbed.

“Shhh, it’s alright Tony. We will figure it out,” Aziraphale said soothingly.

Tony took in a deep breath of Aziraphale’s scent. He _knew_ that smell. He was certain. It was comforting to him, but Tony couldn’t string together any coherent memories to figure out why. Tony wasn’t even sure of who he was at this point.

Aziraphale’s hand stopped moving.

“Did you say your name was Raphael?”

Tony had calmed down more by this point and nodded against Aziraphale’s chest.

“Y-yeah, ‘s my first name. I go by my middle one. D-don’t know w-why I don’t like my first,” Tony mumbled past his still hitching breath.

“Raphael Anthony,” Aziraphale said the two words slowly. “Oh my God. Tony, you- oh my how have I been so blind. Tony look at me.”

Tony reluctantly pulled away from Aziraphale and looked into his eyes. Aziraphale gently grasped both sides of Tony’s head and looked deeply into his eyes. Tony got a sense that Aziraphale was looking into his soul.

Aziraphale’s eyes widened and he let go of Tony’s face. A hand flew up to Aziraphale’s mouth and his eyes clouded with tears.

“It is you,” Aziraphale said quietly, “but how? Y-you are in a human body. I-I don’t understand.”

“Aziraphale,” Tony said, reaching for the other. He didn’t know what was happening and he needed to touch Aziraphale if only to have something solid and _real_ to ground himself with.

“W-where is your phone. I. I need to make a call,” Aziraphale said urgently.

“I don’t understand. Aziraphale, what is happening?”

Aziraphale’s next words chilled Tony to the bone, “you are Crowley. I don’t know how, but I’m certain of it.”

Tony stopped breathing for a moment. He stared into Aziraphale’s eyes. They held so much depth and age and Tony was certain that he had seen them when they were younger and brighter.

Then, like an old machine being fired up after a well needed oil, everything slotted into place in Tony’s mind. 

Tony gasped as hundreds of thousands of memories flowed smoothly into their rightful places in Tony’s mind. His name wasn’t Tony, not really. It also wasn’t Raphael, not anymore. It was Crowley, and he had been gone too long.

He could feel his powers clawing at the edges of his being, begging to be let back in.

“Aziraphale, Angel” Crowley said, as if for the first time. “Move back and close your eyes, this might get messy.”

Aziraphale gaped at Crowley but did as he was told. The Angel, yes that was what Aziraphale really was, moved to the other side of the room and covered his eyes with his hands.

Crowley stood and took a deep breath. Then, as he slowly released it, he opened his mind and let his powers flow back into him.

It was like being struck with lightning. The room was lit with a bright light as the ethereal and infernal energies that Crowley possessed mixed and reformed his body. Crowley screamed in agony as his corporation was torn apart and reformed. His wings ripped through the air into existence and the room shook.

Then, like a storm blowing over, the room settled into a still calm.

Tony breathed in his last breath, and Crowley breathed out his first as his whole self.

The demon cracked his neck and inspected his hands. They looked right, but his clothes were all wrong. Crowley snapped and miracled his clothes into something more fitting.

“Aziraphale, you can open your eyes now.”

Aziraphale uncovered his eyes and looked up at Crowley. His face melted into the most beautiful mixture of relief and reverence that Crowley had ever seen. He smiled at his angel.

“Crowley, i-it’s really you,” Aziraphale whispered.

“Yup, sorry it took so long for me to figure it out. Comere, Angel.”

Aziraphale stood on shaking legs and approached Crowley. The angel placed a cautious hand on the demon’s cheek. Crowley covered it with his own hand and leaned into the touch.

Aziraphale’s lip trembled. “Oh Crowley,” he sobbed as he hugged Crowley fiercely.

“I’m so sorry, Angel. I never meant to leave you,” Crowley said, nuzzling into Aziraphale’s hair.

“W-what happened, my dear boy? How- how did you lose your memories? How did you turn human?”

Crowley sighed and hugged Aziraphale tighter.

“I’ll explain everything, but I need to see Elinor first. She needs to know I’m alive.”

Aziraphale reluctantly let go of Crowley and nodded.

“Y-Your car is outside. I hope you don’t mind that I’ve been driving it,” Aziraphale said shyly.

Crowley grinned wickedly and pulled Aziraphale in for a kiss.

“Clever Angel. That’s more than fine, so long as you’ve been taking care of her. Let’s go.”

Crowley grabbed Aziraphale’s hand and led him from the flat and down to the gleaming Bentley. She seemed to purr in recognition as he slipped into the driver's seat and fired her up.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> LAST CHAPTER Y'ALL!!!!!!! There will definitely be more in this series because I need to write Elinor coming into her powers and her God-given role, but I don't know when that will happen.
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy this chapter! Feel free to ask on anything you are still confused about in the comments!

They drove straight to Elinor’s school with Crowley pulling close to 90 mph the whole ride.

Aziraphale sat tensely in his seat, clutching at whatever part of the Bentley would brace him sufficiently against Crowley’s erratic turns.

“I did _not_ miss this,” the angel grumbled.

Crowley flashed him a wicked grin and kept driving.

Crowley pulled the Bentley to a stop in front of Elinor’s school. He wanted more than anything to run out the door and track her down, but a sudden wave of nerves had overtaken him. He stared out the window with his hands fisted in his lap.

“Crowley, is everything alright?” Aziraphale asked.

Crowley stayed silent for a moment, thinking. Then he reached over the glove compartment and pulled out a pair of sunglasses. He slid them onto his face and looked back out the window.

“I’ve been gone too long, Angel. Almost a year and a half now.”

Aziraphale placed a gentle hand on Crowley’s shoulder and squeezed.

“Elinor will be excited to see you. Do you want me to go get her?”

Crowley bit his lip and considered the options. He couldn’t make himself get out of the car. Instead, he turned to look at Aziraphale.

“Please, Angel?”

Aziraphale smiled that wonderful understanding smile of his and got out of the Bentley. Crowley watched him walk into the primary school.

Crowley allowed his mind to drift to memories that had not been his to see for more than 6000 years. Aziraphale had not changed much in all that time. Sure, he had grown as a person and become less scared of everything and bolder. But deep down, he was still the curious and bright little principality that Raphael had met all those millennia ago in Heaven.

The beautiful and kind angel that Crowley had fallen in love with three times in three lives stepped out of the school with their daughter bouncing at his heals. Crowley smiled fondly.

A push of bravery forced Crowley from the car. He stood next to it and waited.

When Elinor noticed him, her face went on a journey of emotion. It was clear to Crowley that she had first seen Tony and not him, which was understandable. Then her brain had caught up and saw him for who he truly was.

“Daddy!” the girl shrieked as she threw herself into Crowley’s arms.

The demon laughed and swung his daughter into the air. Elinor was laughing and crying as she clung to him for dear life. Crowley held her tight.

“Hello, peanut. How’s my little girl?”

Elinor whimpered, having settled on crying, into Crowley’s shoulder. “I missed you daddy.”

“I missed you too, sweat pea,” Crowley kissed the top of Elinor’s head.

He shared a look with Aziraphale, who was looking on fondly at the scene.

“What do you say we go home and catch up?” Crowley asked Elinor.

Elinor squeezed him tighter for a second and then loosened her grip. “Okay. I can show you my orchid!”

Crowley smiled softly and set the girl down on the pavement. 

“That you can, Elie.”

***

After they had all gotten home, and Crowley had explained vaguely what had happened to him to Elinor (who ended up asking a billion questions about Tony that Crowley did his best to answer), Aziraphale and Crowley went down into the backroom of the bookshop to talk alone. They left Elinor upstairs to do her homework and play alone.

“So,” Aziraphale said, but didn’t finish his thought.

“So?” Crowley said, raising an eyebrow.

Aziraphale was fiddling with his wedding band, Crowley noticed. It was odd to view that tell, that he knew so well but Tony had not, from the other side of this little escapade that Crowley had taken. Aziraphale used to fiddle with his pinky ring, before he had gotten rid of it, and now the wedding band took up the place of it for the stim.

“I. I know what you told Elinor, 

“I. I know what you told Elinor, that it was an accident that you became Tony. T-that you had to do it to protect yourself. But,” Aziraphale paused to take a breath, “I want to know what really happened. I want the full truth, Crowley.”

“Ngk,” Crowley said. He scratched the back of his head. “Well, my exact memory of when I- I disappeared is a little foggy, so I’d like to fill in that little bit before I spill everything. If that’s alright, Angel?”

Aziraphale sighed. “I suppose that is only fair. Let’s see. Right before you vanished, and you did just vanish, I was explaining that I had remembered my, er, relationship with the Archangel Raphael. Part way through my explanation, you sort of startled to your feet and then started screaming. I tried to calm you down, but then you just sort of, vanished. One moment you were there, screaming, and sort of glowing, and the next you were gone. I spent a little while looking for you, but well… You know how that went.”

Crowley sighed and nodded. “Right, let’s see if I can get this all in a coherent order. My mind is still a bit of a jumble. Erm. Guess I should start from the beginning. Uhm,” Crowley didn’t know how to tell Aziraphale what he needed to. He took a deep breath and just took the leap. “Aziraphale, I am the Archangel Raphael, well, I _was_ the Archangel Raphael, before I fell.”

Aziraphale seemed to have a moment of realization but only let out a quiet, “oh,” in response. Crowley took that as a sign to keep going.

“When we first met, in Eden, I still then remembered my name, but over time I forgot it. Didn’t help that for the longest time it was physically painful for me to say it, but that’s besides the point. When I fell, Heaven took all but the very barest of my memories. I knew why I fell, but beyond that I didn’t remember much. Then, when I discovered sleep, I started having my dreams. You know about them, the nightmares. I could never really remember who was in them, but then you started talking about knowing me, knowing Raphael, and it all just sort of fell into place and I realized all those damn dreams were about _you_ Aziraphale. Then, all of my memories sort of came back at once, and I guess my mind couldn’t handle it. I think turning into Tony was a sort of coping mechanism.”

“I see,” Aziraphale said softly. There was a moment of tense silence which was broken by Aziraphale beginning to laugh.

Crowley gave Aziraphale a confused look. “What?”

“I’m sorry my dear,” Aziraphale said, still laughing. “We have been fools, twice now!”

Crowley caught on to what Aziraphale was saying and shook his head with a chuckle. “I suppose we have.”

“I can’t believe twice fold we met and didn’t realize who the other was! That and we have fallen in love three separate times to boot!”

“To be fair, Angel, we both had memory deficiencies each time.”

“Crowley, I should have realized you were Tony sooner. You looked nearly identical!”

Crowley could sense a shift of emotion from Aziraphale toward a negative light. He got up from his chair and crossed the space between them. He dropped himself into Aziraphale’s lap.

“Angel,” Crowley said, lifting Aziraphale’s chin slightly so the angel was looking him in the eye. “You were in pain. There were no indications that I, as Tony, was anything other than a normal human. It’s understandable that you were blind to the truth.”

Aziraphale swallowed and nodded. A tear slipped down his cheek. Crowley caught it and brushed it away.

“I suppose you are right, my dear boy.”

Crowley smiled gently and leaned in to kiss Aziraphale.

There was still much they needed to figure out. There was an entire life’s worth of shared memories for the two of them to sift through. But that was work for a later time. For now, they had each other as they should, their daughter to raise, and a world to protect. All else could wait for its own time.


End file.
